Unless you’ve lived under a rock, you know James Gunn’s helmet The suicide squad mulligan premieres in theaters and on HBOMax this Friday. About a month ago, TBS started teasing an episode of their fast-paced obstacle course show, Annihilate, which would feature members of The Suicide Squad. Because, you see, John Cena is one of the hosts of Annihilate, and also plays in The suicide squad as a peacemaker. So it makes perfect sense that he is doing everything possible to promote his new movie on the show last night. Except it was just a lame, over-publicized marketing stunt that left me LESS excited to watch the movie than before the episode aired.
Turns out “feature” meant pasting film clips and pre-recorded videos of co-stars Nathan Fillion (TDK), Daniela Melchior (Ratcatcher) and Joel Kinnaman (Rick Flag.) James Gunn made an ACTUAL appearance. He “auditioned” Nicole Byer for the film and eclipsed Cena in the one-mile cue map reading department. The only part that wasn’t embarrassing was Nicole Byer’s thirst for Idris Elba. Because we all understand this.
There were also a lot of King Shark jokes that involved CGI fins and blood in the obstacle course pool that never really landed and you could tell Byer was aware of how lame they were even then. that she was telling them.
Wipeout is a show that, in its natural state, is steeped in puns and innuendo. John Cena isn’t really good at any of those things. Look at that face. Even without the silly superhero costume, he doesn’t look like a guy who’s comfortable making not at all subtle sex jokes on a family TV show. Fortunately, Nicole is there to take over.
As long as Annihilate episodes, it was a good competition organized by regular competitors. But what I really wanted was for movie stars in costume to get fucked hard and fall in mud pits. It would have been so much more fun to watch Jai Courtney launch himself into the glove via a rocket sled. Or Pete Davidson picking up a giant device covered in spikenard moss. But noooooooooooooooooon. Even Michael Rooker didn’t have the courage to try The Body Blender. Lame. Guess I shouldn’t expect so much from a bunch of homicidal anti-heroes.
Here is Idris / Viola’s heavy promo for The Suicide Squad that I rewarded myself with after watching Wipeout. Enjoy.
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Sources of images (in order of publication): Warner Bros, YouTube