Saying ‘no’ to arrogant house guests is seasonal – .

Saying ‘no’ to arrogant house guests is seasonal – .

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Dear Amy: How do I gently say “no” to an acquaintance who calls and wants to visit my region and stay at home?


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They have visited in the past and I am accommodating, but I have kept my real feelings quiet, so they will be surprised when I say “no”.

They are very demanding and judge, so I am stressed just thinking about their visit.

They have a strong personality and will speak ill of mutual friends if I don’t comply.

In recent years, I have allowed them to come into my life, for not having done so.

I know I’m used, but their anger is something I want to avoid.

I know I need a backbone on this, but I don’t know how to say no with a valid reason.

What’s a good way to say no – softly?

– Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: I know it must be summer because I have received several questions on how to say “no” to guests.

My general advice is to issue a strong ‘no’ attached to vague justification, as arrogant guests have a knack for leading through explanations, apologies and specific details.


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For example, You: “I’m sorry but I cannot host you. I have a conference this week.

Them: “I will change my dates the following week.

You: “My cat Thomas is allergic to humans.

Them: “It’s okay, you can put Thomas in a kennel. “

You: “The floor of my guest room is being finished. “

Them: “No problem, I’ll stay in your room. You can sleep on the kitchen floor.

Because you’re clearly not going to face that person, try saying, “Sorry, but I’m not going to host this summer. “

If they are rushing you for a reason, you can say, “There are a lot of reasons. Mostly, I just don’t feel up to it.

The only bright side of this long tragedy of a global pandemic is surely the altered perspective we have gained from experience.


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Life is too precious to spend even part of it preparing guest towels for toxic people.

Dear Amy: We love our little electric car. It has just enough battery life to get us from home to Cape Cod – but not back – without recharging.

We rented a house for the holidays and I felt like I was sneaky, snaking an extension cord to charge the car from the house.

My question is, should I feel bad?

Should the host expect guests to use a certain amount of electricity? I wouldn’t ask the owner of the house to pay for a tank of gas, but there is also no other convenient way to recharge our car for the trip home. What are your thoughts?

– Jacques

Cher Jack: I think you should use your phone to map charging stations along your route – and near your destination – and use those stations to charge your car.


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(I checked and saw that there are several EV charging stations along Cape Cod.)

Also, you wouldn’t feel bad now if you had walked past the owner before your stay.

You might say, “We have a small electric car that uses about $ 5 of electricity to fully charge. We can charge it from a standard 110 volt household outlet. Do you agree that we charge once during our stay in the house? We would be happy to add the cost to our rental charges.

You can send the owner a link to a recent Consumer Reports article that describes these details, in case the owner isn’t aware of the relative ease – and low cost – of charging an electric vehicle at home.

Dear Amy: Regarding the mother-in-law who just wanted to drop by her daughter-in-law (with a baby) without calling first, I was that mother who was also asking that people, mainly my mother-in-law, stop passing by. unexpectedly.

I am a private person. I am the only child of a small family. I tried to be delicate about this, but she was very mad and didn’t speak to us for over three months.

My husband told his mother to back off and after a three month hiatus, she and I were able to work things out.

She has learned to respect my needs and I hers.

We also left the state, which I think helped a lot.

– Was there

Dear summer there: Yes, leaving the state would definitely solve the “pop-in” problem.



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