Now, if you are single, these months have been really, really tough!
If someone had told me years ago that I would live in a time when having sex with someone you don’t live with was illegal in Britain, I never would have believed it. But we did as we were told and let me tell you that as a hot blooded woman who writes bonkbuster books it was not easy! It is therefore no wonder that the whole country cannot take it any longer and that he has lost his job.
I wasn’t surprised that another highly respected married man had been caught with, maybe not his pants down, but certainly his slimy tongue and groping hands on a woman who certainly wasn’t his wife.
Being a married sleazebag seems to be a recurring theme these days. If I had to show you screenshots of all the men who hit on me on social media, you’d be horrified. Their messages usually go something like, “You are so hot, I would love to meet you for a drink. You then follow the link to their profile and nine out of 10 times you’ll find a pic of them with their wife which they usually describe as their “rock” in the bios!
Some time ago I was robbed and had to call the police. It was a pretty serious crime and you know what, I haven’t heard from them since. However, I realized that if you are looking for a special hotline for the police, give Tinder a try! There you’ll find an array of horny cops who are desperate to give you their attention (maybe that’s why they’re “too busy” to tackle some basic crimes).
I chatted with two or three people whose appearance I liked, we exchanged numbers, made video calls, as contact was still barred. But call it a hunch, I decided to put on my Miss Marple hat, rather than the French maid outfit, and did what is called a “reverse Google image search”. You take their profile picture, paste it into Google and see what happens. And do you know what happened? Wives! All had Instagram or Facebook accounts and all were married.
This week I was walking around town, it was raining but I wanted some air. Now what I wore shouldn’t matter, but I’ll describe it because, of course, people love to blame women for ‘bringing it to each other’ whenever a story of unwanted attention is shared. .
I had a puffer jacket, no makeup, jeans and old Ugg boots and carried an umbrella. I was walking down Camden High Street, which is a very busy place, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a guy following me.
As it was daylight and there were a lot of people, I tried not to let myself be disturbed. He must have followed me for a mile. I even tilted the umbrella so I couldn’t see his face anymore, but I could hear him. “Let me give you a good time, honey,” he said, among others.
I was about to approach men I could see in front of me and ask for their help when I saw that he had reached out for mine to grab it. Do you know what was on that hand? An alliance.
I was already pissed off, but seeing that flash of a gold ring knowing that this poor woman was probably unaware of what she was engaged to, I ran into a rage telling her in no uncertain terms that if he wasn’t fucking right now I would smash his face with my umbrella.
I was shaken – not just by his meanness or delusion, but by the fact that he was yet another married lech.
So listen to your newlyweds trying to slip into my DMs – next time you do, I’ll screenshot the messages and send them to your wives. You have been warned …
Has a married man tried to get you to bed or have you caught your husband on the prowl? Email me and tell me what happened to [email protected]
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