His Wife’s Drunken ‘Truth Bomb’ Leads to Crisis – .

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His Wife’s Drunken ‘Truth Bomb’ Leads to Crisis – .


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reAmy ear: My wife had a moment of truth the other night.

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We’ve been together for about 15 years. We have a healthy relationship and a great life.

She was just out of high school when we met; she is now in her mid-thirties.

She has also recently taken a lifestyle / weight loss journey and is feeling confident. It’s good!

She joked and referred to a “work boyfriend” and men hitting on her.

Sometimes I go to bed early and she stays up drinking and talking to her friends. If she’s been drinking too much, she sometimes wakes me up with a “truth bomb,” usually a silly comment that she will have forgotten the next day.

During her last midnight reveal, she said she wanted a “pass” from our wedding.

It came from his evil drunken alter ego. She immediately said that she messed up everything, made various excuses and apologized.

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The next day, of course, I was the only one who remembered what she had said.

I really want to forget about her, but if she can basically ask my permission to walk away from the marriage, what am I supposed to do with her?

I understand the fantasy, and I’m not saying I’ve never looked at another woman, but it ends there. I wouldn’t think of asking for a pass.

She also sometimes goes to her friend’s house for the weekends without me, because of my work schedule.

From those words, now all I think about is that she’s going to do something.

It feels like something sacred has been broken.

I’ve been pretending to be fine with my wife ever since this happened. I would like your advice on how to proceed.

– R, in New Jersey

Cher R : My own instinct is that your wife doesn’t actually have hangover amnesia, but she hides her own truth behind drunken late night truth bombs that she can then conveniently “forget” in the morning.

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All of the hallmarks of a “midlife crisis” are evident here: the weight loss and fitness journey, comments about other men’s attention, hints to her “work boyfriend” and his choice to drink excessively with his friends.

(If she suddenly runs out and buys a Miata, you’ll know she’s deep.)

Unfortunately, flirtations and / or adventures often accompany this transitional period, and I hope you fight hard to try to save your marriage, rather than what you are doing now, which is pretending and hoping to do so. .

You have the right and the responsibility to deal with your own sadness in the face of this distancing, and you need to communicate about his behavior and how it affects you.

The ideal place to do this is in the office of a marriage counselor. Communicating honestly can be extremely painful, and it may not save your marriage, but it will free you from that joyless and anxious relationship void.

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Dear Amy: I did a pretty bad job dealing with my friendships during the pandemic. I started out strong, but gradually as the isolation set in, my contact and reactions to friends really suffered.

Now that we seem to be coming out of this long period, I’m looking for ways to try to put the pieces back together.

Do you have any creative suggestions?

– Tired

Dear tired: If in doubt, send a postcard.

In my opinion, the modest postcard mailed with a stamp is a delicious secret weapon. I have a huge collection of those sent to me over the years and I do my best to reciprocate and send mine.

Throw yourself at the mercy of your friends, with a short, heartfelt message like: “Hello, dear friend. Remember me? I was your lively and responsive buddy. Now, I hope you will forgive me for my lack of attention and that you will allow me to regain your good graces… ”

Dear Amy: I was so disappointed with your response to “Hostess with the cheapest”.

This woman said she had organized a thousand dinners over the years, and now – in her 60s – she was done, but when she said it her husband would “have a fit.”

Why the hell would you suggest he hire a caterer? It’s her husband who wants these parties!

– upset

Dear upset: I suggested that this woman stop hosting. I wrote, “If your husband has a fit, take him out. “

If he wants to entertain, he – not her – should.

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