Truth be told, this list might be titled “1,000,000 Embarrassing Wrestlers Tried To Be Funny” because WWE Monday Night RAW exists.
WWE RAW does exist, and it has existed throughout two decades of a gradual decline in viewership, as a show that doesn’t recognize itself as professional wrestling. WWE RAW is sports entertainment. WWE RAW, from WWE’s point of view, is better than the dreaded to fight. In a bizarre strategic attempt to get people who just don’t like wrestling to watch, WWE, alienating people who love pro wrestling into the process, hires accredited writers from non-wrestling backgrounds, convinced that they are best qualified to write for a long time. -term #content.
There’s a kernel of logic here, but fans aren’t in obviously scripted verbal segments, and it’s not like WWE is hiring your guys David Mamet. They hire hackers who are redundant anyway because Vince McMahon has his brains in his worms at this point.
The net result is that RAW is excruciating. SmackDown outside of Roman Reigns is too, but you’re not allowed to say that. It is considered sacrilege, as if Jesus Christ Himself was screaming ARE YOU READY FOR A GOOD TIME in the open show.
What follows is a particularly horrific set of delinquents …
You would have booed the man out of the building, hoping he would never come back. John Cena as the best star of RAW was utterly heartbreaking. You would rather iron the tip of your cock than endure it a second time.
On the 2012 post-No Way Out RAW, John Cena recapped his Steel Cage vs. The Big Show main event using a Star Wars analogy. He claimed that the cage was a “Death Star” in which he had to fight “Show Vader”, a “Jedi” who had gone to the dark side. At stake was the work of the Emperor, John Laurinaitis, and when Show Vader lost, “old old Jedi Yoda McMahon” declared “no chance in hell of having you, you are fired”.
John Cena thought it was a stitch, when in reality the promo is dead. Several new religious movements of the late 20th century had a more voracious appetite for life than the fans stuck in this arena. They moaned like Triple H browsing Showbuzz Daily when Cena looked through his impressions of Yoda and Vader.
At least if he had pretended to be another Vader, his shit might have looked half-legitimate.