It’s easier to avoid family trips than to take them – .

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It’s easier to avoid family trips than to take them – .


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Dear Amy: My mom and my brother keep talking about the trips they want to take with us.

I have been on trips with them before and will never go back.

Both are subject to explosive collapses that are excruciating to be a part of.

I can handle them for a short evening, but that’s it.

The idea of ​​traveling with them is very stressful for me.

I also don’t want my 11 year old daughter to have the stress of traveling with them.

I continue to dodge their requests.

My response is, “Go ahead, go on your own and report back. “

They don’t take the hint.

I see them about twice a month, and the pressure makes any visit with them a stressful time for me.

I am to the point of wanting to avoid them altogether.

Telling them right away that we’re not going on a trip with them will cause a huge emotional episode, and even then I don’t think it would go deeper.

Any advice on getting the message across to them? Can we get over it?

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– Passport refused

Dear refused: The way you behave (so far) is to avoid stating your own preferences, as you become more and more annoyed with your family members’ constant efforts to include you.

You are now about to avoid not only the topic, but also the people raising the topic. It doesn’t solve anything.

Those loved ones might need you as a competent buffer because they are so volatile, and that’s why they put pressure on you.

It’s possible that if you provide a consistent answer, they’ll eventually stop bothering you about it.

You can present your case without blaming these family members, hoping to avoid a meltdown. You just say, “I don’t want to go. I haven’t had a good time in the past. But you should go ahead. Repeat as often as needed.

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Consider the fact that by staying at home, you may be able to preserve the shreds of your relationship with these family members. If your statement causes a collapse, then take refuge in the fact that the collapse is not happening in some distant destination.

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Dear Amy: I am confused on how to handle a family situation. I am a middle aged single woman living alone. I work sporadically but I have enough to live comfortably between two jobs.

I have a young parent who comes once or twice a month. I’m always happy to see her.

With each visit, she brings a large amount of dirty laundry to wash, using my washer and dryer.

I’ve never had a problem with this in the past because I remember what it was like to live in an apartment without a washer and dryer.

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She runs about 4 or 5 charges on each visit.

One thing that is starting to annoy me though, is that in addition to using my machines, water and electricity, she also uses my detergent and dryer sheets.

She has a full time job and is traveling, so I know money isn’t the issue.

Would it be difficult for her to buy a carafe of pods and bring a few with her?

I’m afraid that if I say something, I will be seen as cheap.

Should I shut up and be happy to see her, laundry or not?

She’s joking about the laundry problem, so she knows it’s a bit of a mooch.

Parent who wonders

Dear I wonder: You are a good egg. You accept these visits for what they are: an opportunity for you to do a tremendous service to your young parent, while using the time spent together to develop a sparkling bond.

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She’s already joking about it, so she realizes that she’s about to be imposed.

Continue by saying, “There’s a sale on laundry pods at the Dandy Mart.” Why don’t you take a container of your favorite brand, and we can put your name on it for your own use while you’re here? “

Dear Amy: Thank you for answering so many questions from people facing dilemmas created by DNA testing.

I recently panicked to find out that my cousin is my stepsister. When I examined it, I learned that it was a common problem. Reading the very fine print of the DNA test contract, I saw that it was to be used “for entertainment purposes only”.

Relieved

Dear relieved: The cousin / half-brother connection seems to be the most common source of confusion.

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