The 13th season of The real housewives of New York (Shouldn’t we have skipped that unlucky number and gone straight to 14 like a high-rise Hilton in downtown Manhattan?) is handling the coronavirus almost obliquely. First, we see an image of the bustling city, crowded cafes, and roaring traffic without Kelly Killoren Bensimon walking through it. Then we see October 2020, when it’s fair again, all the hustle and bustle is gone, and everyone is wearing masks that say “Resting Bitch Face” on them and trying to pretend they haven’t. only experienced a collective trauma. Maybe they didn’t because most of the cast left town as soon as the ambulances took over the avenues, but that’s another story.
As we catch up with all of our returning heroes, we land on Luann de Lesseps, whose biggest issue with the new normal (not to be confused with NeNe Leakes’ star vehicle The new standard) wears masks. She describes them as a “fashion faux pas”. Ugh. Seriously? I also don’t like masks, and they can disturb me and completely mislead me when standing in front of a public urinal. But I wear them because they are mandatory. Luann calling them a “fashion faux pas” suggests that we wear them out of choice as some sort of sartorial expression, rather than having to have them on our faces in order to, you know, stay alive. I’ll be the first to burn all of mine once the herd’s immunity is achieved, but for now, can’t we give people more reason to keep their lower heads as bare as a herd of Real Housewives in the Pool of a Mexican Villa?
As we check in with all the women we see Ramona in her kitchen with her ex-husband Mario a plate of fries someone is eating on the sidewalk that you just want to reach out and grab one in passing. She seems very funny, offering to cook food for her anytime if he comes back to New York, and he tells her to come visit her in Florida. They coo and color, and it proves that Ramona will flirt with every man she meets, even if he’s her cheating ex.
The big story for Ramona and Luann is that they now live around the corner from each other on the SIU since the Countess abandoned her “cabin” in Kingston and likely had a kill there. above when diehard New Yorkers have fallen on their own in the great country rush upstate. I hope the profits pay for all the cabaret poster blasts that dot her new apartment.
The most prominent features of this new apartment, however, are the large windows that open directly onto the terrace of the penthouse of Luann’s ex-husband, Tom. There he is, staring at her, the biggest failure of her life shining straight into her apartment like it’s an alien tractor beam and she’s three weeks late for her next anal probe. I like to think of it like the light at the end of Daisy’s dock Gatsby the magnificent. It flashes right there, just out of reach, giving Luann the life she so longed for, and had for a brief shining moment, only to be ripped off by Bethenny’s water-glass shivering paroxysms when she told him: about Tom.
Next, we see Leah heading to her boxing trainer, Martin, which the producers are definitely trying to do. a thing. Give him a TikTok and let him spread his wings, but he’s much more effective when he tells Tinsley the hard truths. Leah tells him that she has a new nose, a new apartment, fresh clothes and a whole new life. We call it the season two glow-up, and it’s in full effect.
Leah’s personal story this season is that she converts to Judaism which seems a little strange, but a religious conversion is something that has never been done before with housewives so she gets points. not only for its originality, but also for its dedication to keeping things cool around these oak wood halls. She has a call with her father on Yom Kippur and apologizes for being a bad girl all these years and asks for forgiveness. He says he’s going to have to see. Her argument is that he is a Catholic and believes in penance, so she should have to do something to make up for his transgressions.
I’m sorry, but I’m totally with Poppa McSweeny on this one (and maybe that’s because we’re both called Brian / Bryan and both were raised Catholic). Yom Kippur is not the day of forgiveness; it is the day of atonement. How does Leah atone? What will she do in the future so as not to be a bad girl and torture her parents? How will this behavior change in the future? Yom Kippur is not the “day when I have a problem but I smile sweetly and hope you will forget all the bad things I have done.” Sorry, kid, it’s gonna take a little longer. At least FedEx gave him a box of bialys.
Finally, we come to Sonja Tremont Morgan of 69-Foot Garden Hose Morgans, who is back in her dilapidated house and patching up the rocks of her discontent with scotch tape in an effort to keep the entire structure from falling into the East River. Ramona and Luann are concerned about Sonja because they haven’t spoken to her in months, and they say that when she pulls out like that, something psychologically is the problem. How could you even tell if something was psychologically wrong? It’s a bit like putting your hand on the stove and knowing if the burner is on medium or high. Either way, this shit is hot and you’re facing a huge ER bill because your stimulus check wasn’t covering your Obamacare payments.
We first see Sonja with her newest intern, Zoe, and it seems neither of them have found out that we are doing a stocktaking in this country on unpaid work, although ‘they dug up the mowers Sonja uses to deforest her “puuuuuusssssyyyyyyyyy,” as she so eloquently calls it. Sonja explains to the trainee how to prepare her bath but starts turning all the wrong knobs and misplacing all the nozzles until she is sprayed from the tub. Seriously? Confused about how to turn on your own bathtub? Then, she says her interns learn invaluable skills, like how to prepare a bath, how to do laundry, and how to load a dishwasher. “We don’t teach that at Wharton,” she said. I hope not. These are lessons that should have been covered by your first-year parent, guardian or roommate. You shouldn’t need any additional training to learn these essentials of life.
Sonja has all the girls, including the new girl, Eboni, for a little party in her backyard, which looks as safe and charming as a COVID-friendly destination you’re going to find. Due to Eileen Davidson’s deals, we won’t be judging Eboni until his fifth episode aired, but I was very happy he was included in this one for several reasons. The premiere was when Sonja is trying to prepare for the garden party and can’t accommodate her guests because she has a very specific way of washing stones in her backyard, and Eboni tells Leah, “Is she for real?” Sometimes you just need a little new blood to see how much we take for granted the bonkers behavior of our favorite ladies.
What’s really great is when Luann invites Eboni and the rest of the women to her home in Sag Harbor and Eboni tells them that this was one of the first communities on Long Island to allow black people to own property. Luann, who has lived there for as long as Andy Cohen used poppers, has no idea. That is why, ladies and gentlemen, we need diversity in front of and behind the camera so that people with different experiences can shape the entertainment products we consume and expand the minds and lives of everyone in the audience.
A better representation of what’s going on in America right now is what happens when Sonja shows off the fish in her fountain for Eboni. She shows him that she has black fish and white fish, that she has all kinds of fish, and Eboni adds hilariously, “And there are black and white fish for biracial, and you have bigger fish for. body positivity. ” It’s sweet because Sonja is trying to show Eboni that she wants to include her and welcome her into the fold, which she does by being more cranky than your mom singing Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” at full volume. as she knocks dunkin ‘down the front of her pajamas while dropping you off at school. Eboni is a good sport about it, though, and takes it in the spirit it was meant to be, a little emotional work she certainly isn’t compensated for.
Ramona, the Foxy-est of all women (and by that I mean Fox News-iest), tells Eboni that she feels a certain connection with her that she doesn’t with most people. Leah exclaims and says she said that in her last season too. And to Tinsley before that, and Jules before that, and Dorinda before that, and every new girl except Cindy Barshop, whom she hated because she wouldn’t give her free vajazzling. This is how Ramona handles people, with flattery and evasion, with inclusion at arm’s length, dragging them with her into the deep, dark night as a Black Escalation stops beside them and lays it down. window lowers at a threatening speed.