Jimmy Kimmel tore up a rambling post Donald Trump posted on his website ahead of Thursday night’s holiday weekend. “I’m sorry to say that the gasoline prices you will be facing are much higher than they were just a few months ago,” the statement said, referring to the high number of travelers on weekends. -end of Memorial Day.
The former president also blasted, without facts, about America’s energy production – “Wasn’t it great to be energy independent, but we are no longer independent of the energy. energy. Shame, shame, shame ”- and urged Americans to“ remember, as you watch the counter ticking and your dollars piling up, how Donald Trump did a great job as president ”.
“He’s just a crazy old man crying out now,” Kimmel joked. “He seems to have forgotten that the reason gas prices were low was because we had nowhere to go, we had nowhere to go. There was a terrible virus that killed our grandparents – “When I was president we spent money on pornstars, not gas! “
With weekend traveler numbers spiking for the holidays, the TSA has warned to expect long lines at the airport. It had been so long since the mass travel, Kimmel said, that he was even excited for security checks. “When that wand hits the inside of my thigh,” he said, “I’m going to look that agent in the eye and say, ‘I missed you too, big guy, that’s really true. “”
“Biden has been president for four months, which means it’s time to start talking about the 2024 presidential election,” Stephen Colbert joked Thursday night. The GOP favorite, as far as there is one, remains the former president, who reportedly intends to run “as long as he still has a good health check,” according to Politico.
“What? It’s crazy! Said Colbert. “In 2024, he will be 78, which is … exactly Joe Biden’s current age.” But according to Politico, Republican officials hope to respond to Trump’s call for a candidate “without the baggage of two indictments, a riot on Capitol Hill he stoked, baseless challenges to his electoral loss” and the big lie. electoral fraud.
“But these are all its secret ingredients,” Colbert said. “It’s like taking away the Colonel’s eleven herbs and spices – with the two guys you’d be left with just an old man in love with chicken that reminds you of Confederation. “
And late that night, Seth Meyers discussed the still-ongoing messy election audit scam in Arizona, where a state-appointed commission of conspiracy theorists blew up the 2020 ballots with light. UV, as part of the beyond the rabbit hole theory that Trump watermarked the ballots. . “Ah yes, Donald Trump, master forger,” said Meyers unmoved. I don’t think he’s capable of that level of subtlety. His golf pencil is probably a Sharpie. I guarantee you Trump has no idea how to watermark.
“And on top of that, UV light could actually damage the ballots – you know, in the name of electoral integrity,” Meyers continued. “What other great ideas do they have? Only the real ballots will float so let’s throw them in the river, if they sink is fraud?
“I mean, what’s the next step? They give the ballots to a group of chickens and then burn the chickens? Meyers added, referring to another real-world audit conspiracy theory. “Wow, I’m getting good at this. Because for real there are allegations, which I really don’t quite understand, that some of the ballots were, I guess, eaten by chickens and then cremated?
“This audit is crazier than one of those viral cooking videos where someone grinds a burger and turns it into a milkshake,” Meyers said. “And you won’t be surprised to learn that the people who commissioned this audit are, you know, crazy people. And I’m not just talking about weird bangs, like Lindell. I mean the chairman of the Arizona State Senate, who was tracked down by CNN this week and gave an absolutely bonkers interview “defending the audit.
Karen Fann also tore the CNN reporter apart for not accepting Trump’s One America News (OAN) propaganda network as a credible source of information. “Ma’am, OAN doesn’t even think OAN is a credible source of information,” Meyers joked. “Their slogan is ‘OK, listen to me …’”