Christopher Walken has never owned a computer or cell phone

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Illustration from the article titled Christopher Walken Never Sent an Email

Photo: Theo Wargo / NBC / Getty Images (Getty Images)

Wouldn’t it be hard to be Christopher Walken, even for a day? Not to look at the world through his piercing blue eyes, nor own one of the greatest acting gifts in modern cinema history, nor even discreet be an expert dancer. No, after passing The Late Show avec Stephen Colbert last night we think it would be amazing to momentarily become Walken, just so as not to know the misery that is the iInternet.

Last night spoke to Walken with Colbert via Zoom as part of the PR tours for his new (very WTF) film, Wild mountain thyme. Towards the start of the interview, Walken – now 77, because time is a cruel fucking mistress – confessed that he needed help with the technological logistics of their meeting.

“Someone had to come and install this because I don’t have a cell phone or a computer,” Walken explained, which doesn’t take a lot of imagination, if we’re being honest.

“Why don’t you have any? Are you morally, philosophically, emotionally opposed [to them]? Asked Colbert. “No no, I arrived too late. I think I’m just at a certain age where it’s just passed me, ”he says, convincingly waving all of modern mass communication in one sentence.

“Okay… so, you’ve never emailed?” Have you never sent an SMS? Never been on Twitter? Tries Colbert, to which Walken responds to all with a succinct “no,” before adding that when he comes with a phone on a film set, other people will dial numbers for him.

And you know what? God bless him for it. Because all of this can only mean one thing: somewhere out there, there are a handful of people who have seen their senseless fate parading suddenly interrupted by a random phone call. Maybe they’re annoyed by the sudden interference, or maybe they’re even a little relieved to be temporarily released from their digital channels. Either way, this select group of lucky individuals answered the call, only to hear something like “Hecry…this East… Christophe Walken. You’re supposed to read this in his signature voice, but as we just realized, even the written word is unworthy of Walken’s presence.

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