Goals, injuries, sanctions: the Harry Kane news cycle

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Harry Kane’s career is on hold. It usually takes about a year for each full cycle to unfold, and we’re currently around number four. Our practical guide should help you plan and track what will happen next …

1) Harry Kane scores a lot of goals

Harry Kane scores plenty of goals for club and country, though opponents point out that his record would be slightly less impressive if you rule out penalties, as only he and Bruno Fernandes are leggy enough to score such cheap and easy goals that obviously should not. really matters. It should also be noted that Kane’s scoring exploits have not brought any tangible success in terms of silverware, and also that he talks funny. Statistics nerds will insist that Kane’s underlying numbers show that this is just a purple patch and state that his current form is unsustainable over a longer period of time.

2) Harry Kane maintains this form for a longer period

A 10-goal streak in eight games is ruled out because she failed to secure a trophy for her team, even though it happened in November and December. A hat-trick against an 18th league team is proof that Kane is nothing more than a flat track bully. An equalizer against Liverpool does not count, because it was a penalty. Goals against Arsenal are neither one thing nor another and are therefore summarily dismissed as well. Journalists who want the Premier League to be more open and competitive instead of having the best players all stocked by the biggest clubs are producing thoughts on why Kane needs to immediately move to Manchester City to reach the next level.

3) Are Tottenham / England too dependent on Harry Kane?

They are just the Kane teamis not it? You know, the Spurs? One man team, buddy. Nothing without him, even though he’s not even really good. Spurs are garbage, that’s why. And England. Southgate will likely choose Mason Mount over Kane, right? Classic Southgate, that. Doomed.

4) Harry Kane breaks a record or reaches a milestone

Whether it’s an arbitrary number of goals deemed worthy of mention due to our deep-rooted penchant for the base 10 numbering system or a large number of goals in an arbitrary period deemed notable due to of our penchant for the Gregorian calendar, this will offer Kane’s unprecedented proof of one or the other. world-class brilliance or its demonstrable fraud. The numbers will be pulled and squeezed and contextualized far beyond the breaking point to show why Kane isn’t as good as Your Shearers, Your Henrys, the Likes of Your Agueros, or the Robbie Fowlers of This World. If the numbers prove to be too tough, Kane will instead be accused of lacking an ethereal and ill-defined ‘factor X’ or ‘something certain’. At this point, experts will line up to confidently state either that Kane will never break Alan Shearer’s Premier League goalscoring record or Kane will definitely break Alan Shearer’s Premier League goalscoring record. While neither side can find common ground on the main issue, they will go across the aisle to agree that football was not invented in 1992, in fact.


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5) Harry Kane injures his ankle

Playing his 14th game in 29 days, Kane overtakes while trying to prevent a corner kick as Spurs secure a 4-0 lead seven minutes to go. He is expected to be inactive for eight weeks.

6) How will Tottenham / England cope without Harry Kane?

Is this the end of the hopes of Tottenham / England Carabao / Europa / top four / Euro / World Cup / Nations League? How could Tottenham / England line up in his absence? If there is a major international tournament nearby, it will be in the headlines for at least a week.

7) Are Tottenham / England really better off without Harry Kane?

Son Heung-Min scores five goals as Spurs win three and draw in one of their first four games without Kane. Sir Marcus Rashford scores twice in a promising and effective friendly victory for England against Sweden, who are still dangerous opponents not to be underestimated. “Do Tottenham / England even need Kane?” ask extremely intelligent thinkers. “Is the dumb guy with the 0.69 goals-per-game ratio actually holding Tottenham v England?” “

8) Harry Kane returns to action four weeks ahead of schedule

After a grueling rehab program and great news for the club and the country, Kane is set to return just a month after an injury that was sure to ruin his season.

9) Harry Kane only scores twice in his first six games

He doesn’t watch the rhythm and has a hard time taking the ball. He scored a penalty (obviously) and a tap-in rebound, but nothing like the old man’s annoying threat. Have we seen the best of Harry Kane yet?

10) Harry Kane scores a lot of goals

And back to No. 1. But he still does not win any trophy.

Dave Tickner



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