Living in a “COVID-free” La Quinta resort in La Quinta, Calif., The oldest Bachelorette in television history, 39, spent her first episode smiling as if living in a pre-Corona utopia, despite the fact that she filmed the rest of the show in July, while cases nationwide have increased. She must kiss all these men, this is serious business.
The most shocking part of the night was when Chris Harrison said it would be “a dramatic season”, but not “the most dramatic season of all time” either. I am deeply suspicious. What does he know that we don’t know?
Here’s how Clare’s journey began.
After months spent indoors with family members and roommates, America has seen 31 hot guys complaining about being alone in a fancy hotel room for two weeks. What resilience! At least we know they are doing coronavirus tests on every level of the brain. Thanks to the producers for giving us this twisted photo.
Meet the men
There have been some really sweet reunions, like when Clare met Dale Moss (who she is rumored to quit the show with soon after falling in love). ” I knew it. I really feel like I just met my husband, I’m shaking, ”she said to herself after sharing a hug. “All the other guys I felt confident with, but with Dale… I felt everything I never felt.” Sure.
More importantly, the producers clearly forced these men to go through the following introductory steps:
- Jason, former professional football lineman, wore a fake pregnant belly to “prove that he is ready to bear the weight of the relationship and the work of love.” (Yes, that was a reference to one of his past seasons. No, I don’t care.)
- Tyler, a lawyer, deployed on a “Clark Griswald” station wagon filled with “his whole life” to date with Clare.
- Harvard alumnus Bennett “Drives” a Rolls Royce from New York.
- Anesthetist Joe wore a stethoscope to heal her love life.
- Eazy, another former professional athlete, jumped off a sign reading “your future husband.”
- Jay was wearing a straitjacket because he “got a little bit crazy” while waiting to meet Clare.
- Chasen donned full armor and had no puns as to why. A wasted opportunity.
- Demar was wearing a parachute because he “had already fallen in love with Clare.”
- Ed wore a bubble, because…. makes big gestures that seem contagious.
The coronavirus and Clare’s sick mother cast a dark shadow over the meeting and welcoming. His two dogs stole the show. Please give us more content on dogs, ABC.
The Oscar goes to Tyler C., who caused the first “here for the right reasons” fight of the season. “Coming into this, I was in a weird position to learn things about Yosef,” he told other suitors. “A lot of being reckless on Instagram and flirting with girls where I’m from and who know me.”
Playing the “find Clare” card, Tyler confronted Yosef about the allegations, who then spoke to Clare. She made them both sit down for a scolding and quickly left to chat with other men.
Yosef would have stirred the pot in future episodes, so stay tuned.
The first kiss
Clare fucked Blake Moynes, who she said was the “only man to have contacted her” during a pre-production period, although it was against the rules. (This contradicts reports that she had been in contact with Dale prior to filming, which is why she fell in love with him so quickly.)
The first pink impression
No surprise, she pinned the bodice on Dale. The two connected more about their shared “feelings” and “energy”. He also caught the second kiss of the night. Talk about a #vibecheck.
The rose ceremony
The cast was downsized when Clare sent several men home – who quarantined for weeks to meet her – including Tyler C., Mike, Joe, Chris and Page.
Still a fan of edging, the promos get closer and closer to reveal that Clare is being replaced by Tayshia. I give it two more episodes.
Next week will be the date of dodgeball, as it is literally the only date posted so far. Yosef will show us all that Tyler C. was right to doubt him, and Dale and Clare will quickly fall in love.