We feel compelled to express our concern for his health. We know how it is approached can make a big difference.
We both think she would benefit from seeing a counselor to deal with life issues that may have caused her to overeat. Can you suggest a way to phrase it? We love her and want her to live a long, healthy life.
FEAR FOR STE-SISTERDEAR FEAR: Your sister-in-law is well aware that she is dangerously heavy, so this is a topic you can only tackle once without causing a break in the family. The message might be better accepted if it came from his brother, and it should be worded like this:“I hope you know how much I love you. My wife and I are deeply concerned about your weight because we are afraid of losing you. If there are any issues that caused this, would you consider talking to a counselor?
“If your doctor can’t refer you to a qualified person, we can ask ours for names. And if what I said is hurtful, I sincerely apologize and hope you will forgive me. I will no longer broach the subject.
CHER ABBY: My older sister, “Olive”, moved to the West Coast three years ago. My parents, my two older siblings and I live on the East Coast.
Over the past year, Olive has grown further and further away from us. She always has an excuse when we try to set up a Facetime group or even a phone call. It has happened dozens of times now.
Most recently our extended family hosted a Zoom call with around 30 of us. Everyone got to do at least part of it, including all my cousins, aunts and uncles. Olive, however, said she “will be there next time” because she needed to mulch around her house and wanted to start limiting her screen time.
My parents, siblings, and I have each talked directly with her about how hurting and hurting us blowing ourselves is, but she continues to do so. At this point, everyone is fed up, especially mom, who has hooked up twice while trying to work through these issues with Olive. What else can we do? We fail to pass.
DEAR BROTHER: Do you know why your sister moved to the West Coast? Was it work related or could she have needed space and not think she could have it if she lived geographically closer? Because his withdrawal has become more and more evident over the past year, it’s important that someone understands what makes them tick.
A family member other than your mother (who has hung up twice) who is close to Olive should call her and, in the sweetest way possible, explain that the family is worried about her and ask her if something is wrong. do not go. you can help. She may be having emotional difficulties or just wanting space. But you won’t know until someone can get a clear answer.Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.