ASK AMY: Friend Worries About Friend’s Abusive Marriage


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Your friend told you about his abuse, which is an important step. Keep talking and keep showing concern and support. Instead of urging him to leave the marriage, ask him if he would come visit you (if possible). offers extremely useful information and resources specifically for men who are victims of domestic violence. Share this with your friend. As for reaching out to his son, you will have to decide if it would isolate him further. His injuries, however, are alarming, and I think the son should be made aware of it.

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Dear Amy: My father is 87 years old.

My mother died when I was a teenager. Dad met a great woman almost 20 years ago and has moved to a few states to be with her.

My brother and sister have both lost contact with him, but dad and I talk on the phone every week and I visit once or twice a year.

He has been fighting cancer for years, but now the cancer has spread and he is no longer receiving any medical treatment. He is very weak and unable to speak on the phone for more than a minute or two.

My husband and I planned to drive several hours to see it.

At first, this shot seemed good, but a few days later I got an email from his girlfriend. She said he didn’t want to see me. He knew it would be the last time, and he couldn’t bear to say goodbye.

He wanted me to remember him as he was the last time I saw him.

She just doesn’t want to subject him to emotional upheaval.

Deep down I understand my dad and I know I would probably feel the same way.


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