“He made some convincing and funny remarks, then dragged Florida in, screaming from its dunes,” Hayes complained of the Seinfeld op-ed, which she said described Altucher as having “given up” by moving. at Miami.
Acknowledging that she wrote “column responding to column responding to column” – and joking that this made it a “portal to hell” – Hayes said the use of Florida as the joke’s goal was predictable and tired.
“For the 9,000th time. To pick Florida is to strike. He’s panting the kid at school whose only friend is a weirdly smooth rock, ”Hayes said of his own home state.
She noted several of Florida’s most obvious weaknesses, including being “a phallic form” and being “saddled with the” Florida Man “trope” – most notably, new resident Tom Brady.
“We are stuffed by God, 24/7,” Hayes wrote.
“What I don’t understand is why provincial ping-pong has to come at the expense of other states,” she added, noting that “Seinfeld dunk also in Maine, Vermont, Tennessee and Indiana.
“Why is New York City becoming a place where dog poop is a famous oddity, but Florida is perpetually a punchline?” There’s tons of dog shit in my backyard, ”she said, joking about Seinfeld’s explanation for falling in love with the city for the first time.
“Is it too much to ask that the outliers go beyond the Florida caricature?” she asked.
“In return, we’re not bringing the guy in the Elmo suit outside of TKTS,” she joked of the infamous Times Square booth for discounted Broadway tickets.
In addition to Hayes’ criticism, Seinfeld also obtained a withdrawal from Altucher, accusing him of denying the truth.
“Not fixing the problems won’t save Gotham,” he wrote in a follow-up article in The Post.