The Shakespeare in Love actress, 47, and Coldplay singer, 43, announced in March 2014 that they would divorce after 10 years of marriage.
In an article for next month’s issue of British Vogue, Paltrow said she knew the celebrity split would attract attention, but nothing could have prepared her for public mockery over their choice of terminology.
“Public surprise quickly gave way to anger and derision,” she wrote.
“A strange combination of mockery and anger that I had never seen.
“The intensity of the response saw me bury my head in the sand deeper than I have ever done in my very public life. ”
She revealed how she realized her marriage was over by celebrating her 38th birthday in the Tuscan countryside – three years before the couple announced their separation.
“I knew it. It was in my bones, ”she says.
“We just didn’t get along well. There was still a little uneasiness and unrest. But man, do we love our kids. “
She said she had never heard of the phrase “conscious decoupling”.
“Frankly, the term sounded a bit full of itself, painfully gradual and hard to swallow,” she says.
But it was an idea presented to her and Martin by their therapist, the man who she said “helped us build our new future” as they sought to avoid a bitter breakup and to stay close.
She said: “I was intrigued, less by the sentence, but by the feeling.
“Was there a world where we could go our separate ways and not lose everything? Could we be a family, even if we weren’t in a relationship? We decided to give it a try. “
Paltrow, who has two children with Martin, got married again in 2018 to television producer Brad Falchuk.
Martin attended the wedding and joined the newlyweds for their honeymoon.
She said times have changed in the way people deal with and go through breakups.
“Conscious decoupling / separation / divorce, whatever you want to call it, has now permeated the culture of breaking up,” she said.
“Instead of people approaching me with ‘Why did you say that?’, They’re now approaching me with ‘How do you do that?’ “