“How many marginal artists does it take to change a light bulb? 5,000. One to change it and 4,999 to tell them that their act of changing the light bulb was woefully overlooked by the industry and received a standing ovation when there were no reviews.
“I’m so sad the Edinburgh Fringe isn’t performing this year. For those who are not familiar, this is the biggest arts festival in the world. It’s also the most diverse arts festival in the world – it literally has people from all over North London. ”
Stephen K Amos
“Just because you do a bad job just once doesn’t make you a bad person. My uncle recently beheaded a woman – not a bad person, a bad magician.
“I’m amazed Dominic Cummings has kept his post – in most Conservative governments you get fired immediately if they find out you’ve been to Durham.
“All of my desires in 2020 are like the desires of someone in 1920. The other day I really thought, ‘I wonder when I’ll be in a motor car next time.'”
“I live with my boyfriend and my brother, both of whom I love very much but in very different ways. The only thing they have in common is that they both shared a bath with me at some point in their lives. One was a very erotic experience and the other he pooped while we were still seated. It ruined Valentine’s Day.
“I live in a sort of creative community on a hill in Bristol. It is not a “gated community”, but it is a fairly steep hill. ”
“I transform my summer dresses into winter just by being depressed.”
“I’m gay and I really like it, but I don’t like it when people call us ‘gays’ like it’s a nationality. As if we were all from the same country. I can’t really imagine what this country would look like other than heavily dependent on immigration. ”
“I think the next Jurassic World movie should be called A Reptile Dysfunction.”
“The biggest disadvantage of very young children is that they are quite boring. For example, they want to show you that they love you by talking to you all the time, but everything they know you already know. No added value in any of these conversations. ”
“I grew up watching musicals. Miss Saigon, Oliver, Les Mis. Because there is nothing that upper class people love more than going to the theater and watching other upper class people disguised as working class people singing about how good it is. hard not to be upper class people.
“The British don’t circumcise because it’s cold. ”
“The most effective way to make a straight man uncomfortable is when there is a knock on your bathroom door, say, ‘Come in’.”
“I’m a vegan, but I’m not here to tell you that I live my life better than you. I’m just here to involve him.
“I bought a porn magazine called Barely Legal Russia, but when I opened it there were only pictures of men holding hands.”
Flo and Joan
“You’re not a real fan of the news if you haven’t watched it from the start. ”
“The main cause of climate change in the UK right now is that Prince Andrew is burning all his clothes and documents.”
Jonny and the Baptists
“If I were God, I would spend all my time appearing at Richard Dawkins’ house. He would never tell anyone, but it would really piss him off.
“I got out just before the lockdown. Suddenly I was free to be who I really was… but only as long as I stayed in my room.