In candid conversation with her boyfriend, the 22-year-old remembers becoming more aware of her changing figure after moving in with her grandmother, Katherine, who left Paris and her two brothers to do more of sugary drinks and food than they had ever been. allowed as children.
“I gained a lot of weight and this (eating) became an addiction … and then a cousin called me fat so I said to myself:” OK, I can’t do this anymore. And that’s how I fell into self-harm, ”she said.
Paris, who was only 11 years old at the death of the king of pop, would have hurt herself first just to feel an emotional release: “I would cut myself and burn myself,” she shared. “I never thought I would die because I was still in control of the razor and I knew how deep I was going.
“Part of that was the release of dopamine. Dopamine is called dope for a reason – it feels good. Things like food and sex and drugs and music and training … there are a lot of things that cause dopamine release. ”
“Self-harm was one of them, tattoos were one of them,” continued Paris, “and so there was that, and then it was also a distraction from emotional pain and the transfer to physical pain and the need for control. ”
Ultimately, Paris tried to end her life, making the headlines in 2013 when she broke her wrist and took an overdose of painkillers – but she admits it was not the only opportunity.
“I tried to kill myself several times,” she said. “I couldn’t take it anymore. ”
She was then forced to enroll in a therapeutic boarding school in Utah, where Paris found herself struggling with other difficulties: “The problems with which I went have been resolved, but I left with good more problems than I have come, ”she said. remarked without going into details.
The episode, titled Trauma Partners ?, also presents the opening of Paris on its long-standing battle against depression, which “comes in waves”.
She used to take prescription medication for her mental health issues, but has since turned her back on pills.
“It kind of clouded my third eye. I couldn’t laugh so deeply, ”she thought. “You cannot numb the bad without numbing the good. So even if the lows are unbearably low, I would still prefer that over nothing. Pain is much better than just being numb because at least you feel something. “