wondered what more could happen to make 2020 worse. Alien invasion? Obliterating asteroid? Armageddon real? But part-time musician and singer Kanye West was way ahead of me, as geniuses are often. He is running for president. Never before has a man’s messiah complex been so literal: he, like, officially
wants to be the most important man in the world.I am for. Stay with me. Kris Jenner very skillfully led the Yeezy administration from a large squashy chair in the oval office, with West relegated to a recording studio / sweat lodge at the end of the White House lawn. Kim Kardashian West will complete her law degree, become Chief Justice and party with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Nancy Pelosi, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Kamala Harris, all wearing the Skewear Skims. Kourtney, Kylie, Kendall and the other would take the most important positions in the administration and there would be a huge crèche with their exes.
Oprah Winfrey would be secretary of state, Elon Musk would defend and develop a range of awkward tanks, submarines, rockets and missile launchers that do not work. Scott Disick would be the American ambassador and the party around the world. I’m sure they could find a room for Rob, the Krapster Kardashian. And in the future, North West, daughter of Chelsea Clinton, the Bush Laurens, the children of Ivanka Trump and Sasha and Malia Obama will compete for another round of presidential nominations in a huge Facebook-sponsored reality show.
And look. Given that Donald Trump has boasted of sexually assaulting women and Joe Biden has denied an allegation of sexual assault and faces charges of inappropriate contact with other women, there is one huge thing for Kanye West: He has not been charged with sexual assault.
• Arwa Mahdawi est absent.