JAN MOIR: Amber Heard is bright and spirited with a high octane belief that she’s always right

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On a hot day in London, the former Ms Depp sat down in the witness stand and began with a drink from a bottle of water. By lunchtime she was on her third bottle. In the afternoon, she passed through at least three more.

You can’t tell these Hollywood stars ever – unlike hastily packed sheets in a boiling wash – knowingly underhydrated.

It became clear very quickly that she was a certain type of woman. A luminous blonde. Beautiful, fiery, nourished by the conviction that she is always right. Someone not to disturb, someone determined to win. In short, when it comes to a lot of men, your basic nightmare.

In court 13, she finally got the chance to tell her side of the story. After a week of proving her ex-husband Johnny Depp, this was her moment. Whatever happens next, Amber would be heard.

From the first kiss to the last quarrel, it was hardly a failure in the space-time continuum, writes JAN MOIR.  Pictured: Depp in court today

Amber Heard’s testimony (left, in court today) spanned the extremely short period of her relationship and marriage to Johnny Depp (right). From the first kiss to the last quarrel, it was barely a hit in the space-time continuum, writes JAN MOIR

“Are you telling the truth in court?” Depp rep Eleanor Laws QC asked at one point. “Yes, ma’am,” she replied, as clear as a beautiful Texan.

His testimony focused on the extremely short period of the couple’s relationship and marriage. From the first kiss to the last quarrel, it was hardly a failure in the space-time continuum: a simple pair of stars, two balls of boiling gas, which burned well before the hour. A lot happened, but Heard’s memory wasn’t always constant.

“It was afternoon, not morning,” she said sharply about one incident, but was vague about the others. Still, it was an improvement over Depp, who could barely remember what he had had for breakfast. There was talk of bruises on Amber’s face that magically appeared and disappeared, like clouds. “But if I was in Los Angeles, I would do my makeup,” she said, not without reason.

Speaking of which, yesterday she was a vision. Expertly applied highlighter flared along her cheekbones, while one could not help but admire the flawless curve of her Hollywood jawline. At one point, she took a moment to apply red lip gloss with a wand, check it in a small mirror, then dab it on with the back of her hand. Miss Heard was ready for her close-up at all times.

It became clear very quickly that Amber Heard (pictured in court with her lawyer Jennifer Robinson) is a certain type of woman, writes JAN MOIR

It became clear very quickly that Amber Heard (pictured in court with her lawyer Jennifer Robinson) is a certain type of woman, writes JAN MOIR

Some think actresses (and actors!) Can’t resist the temptation to spoil her in public, and the cool 34-year-old has done nothing to disillusion anyone with the affectionate notion. Her repertoire ranged from cheerful politeness to hurt innocence for – a favorite – a longtime victim. There was an occasional grimace or a rare quivering of the lip.

Still, Miss Heard would often look at the public gallery and smile with amusement and warmth, presumably at Sister Whitney and / or her partner Bianca Butti. Once she was waving the horns with her hand, every once in a while she would produce the smallest of the eye rolls that seemed to say, “Can you believe that garbage?”

Indeed. In the morning, she had been brought into court with an arm of support by her lawyer Jennifer Robinson, a gesture that seemed to signal victim status – giving way to the injured woman.

Over the past week in the UK, many high profile feminists have made clear their support for Miss Heard, despite the three-week trial being far from over.

Australian author Kathy Lette dined for her on the weekends. Charming. A whiff of any world famous humanitarian activist from struggling Leftie in town and Kathy had the shrimp on Barbie. Baroness Helena Kennedy (another guest) can bring the summer pudding and make a point of order.

Cherie Booth QC and Jess Phillips MP have also shown their support, although it is not yet clear who is telling the truth.

Back in the witness stand, I liked the look of Miss Heard. If she was a dress boss, she would have been called Big Day In Court or maybe even Amish Accents.

She wore a cream pleated blouse, a long black skirt and discreet gold jewelry to deliver a testimony as well cut as a row of pin ducks.

Her hair was tied back in a demure fishtail braid, just like Elsa’s in the Disney Frozen cartoon.

Be the good girl you always have to be? There was certainly an element of it. She certainly wasn’t going to give up anytime soon.

On a hot day in London, the former Ms Depp sat down in the witness stand and began with a drink from a bottle of water.  Pictured: A sketch of Heard's testimony courtroom

On a hot day in London, the former Ms Depp sat down in the witness stand and began with a drink from a bottle of water. Pictured: A sketch of Heard’s testimony courtroom

In her testimony, she explained how the alleged abuse in her marriage was initially covered up. About the way she loved Johnny but was terrified of the “monster” he could become under the influence of drugs and drink. It was a sobering vision.

Amber smiles a lot even though she’s never missed an opportunity, not once, to load her splatter gun and shoot another cream pie in Depp’s direction.

It was like a current of misery of conscience, a litany of misfortune upon misfortune.

“I had very little decision-making power in this relationship,” she said.

We heard that he struggled to assert himself, that he didn’t want to be the bad guy, that he had emotional issues, that he was particularly violent, extremely jealous, extremely insecure and …

“Could you go a little slower, please,” cried the judge, Judge Nicol. However, Amber was not above admitting that she also had her flaws. “Me too,” she said, stopping to put her hand over her heart and gaze up at the sky in a way that might well become known as Markle-lite, “I have times when I too j was jealous.

The case continues.

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