This is how the world ends, not with a crash, but with two moaning poodles dressed in pink tutus in the back of a van while their mother cooes: “We’re moving to Chicago, babies!” Most fans of the show who follow the Daily Mail on Instagram (admit it, most of you are!) knew Tinsley would be leaving mid-season to get engaged with boyfriend Skott King Koupon. I didn’t expect it to be like this.
Tinsley receives the full end-of-season treatment: a group scene, a tearful goodbye and a few lines of text on the screen sending him into the great abyss where no camera exists. Usually the red lights on these cameras are temporarily turned off, but Tinz has decided to venture into the snowy tundra of Chicago, a city so boring that Potomac and Salt Lake City have become Real housewives franchises before it. I mean, what is it in Chicago? Oprah? Hot dogs? Boys of blond frattes fed on corn who will amaze your neck while offering you a light beer at the bar? Wait. It suddenly doesn’t look like such a bad place.
Tinsley’s reverence and rapid conclusion of his story in a tidy pink bow was a little surprising to those of us at the Real Housewives Institute because there are very few precedents. The first housewife to leave mid-season was Peggy Tanous, otherwise forgettable, who left Orange County in 2011, a few episodes of his second season and the seventh show. She has just received a confessional who talks about leaving because of her anxiety issues and has made a few “friendly” appearances throughout the season.
The next one is almost a decade later, when Lisa Vanderpump picked up her toys and returned home the previous season’s RHOBH. We know how it ended, with his glaring absence of everything, including the reunion, except to film a few reactions to his fight with Kyle and a short infomercial for his “cocktail garden” in Las Vegas. She seems to have really opened the door, because this year Tinsley and Denise Richards have both RHOBH before the last round. (Am I mixing sports metaphors? Who cares?)
I don’t think Denise is going to receive the same treatment as Tinlsey. There was clearly a discussion between her and the producers about her decision to leave New York to move to Chicago and she did so under good conditions. I must admit that I wonder exactly how his last two scenes were filmed.
The story of Tinsley’s departure begins when the women all go to Blood Manor, a haunted house that is supposed to be a “New York institution,” although during my 15 years in Gotham, I never heard of it. This seems like a good time and I am happy to visit, if only for a scary zombie the hell of Sonja Tremont Morgan of the flagship store of Century 21 Morgans on the sidewalk and his proclamation to women: “I would have had to wear a diaper! Some women arrive in costume, others do not. The countess says she is dressed as a cougar, but her skin-tight jumpsuit is actually covered in leopard spots. You can’t really complain about the inconsistencies in your costume. At least this one doesn’t use blackface.
At dinner after the haunted house, all the women are angry with Tinsley whom she posted about being in Chicago with Skott on Instagram without telling them about the trip. Then Leah announces that Tinsley will make it work with Skott and that, although he did not offer it, it is essentially that way. Tinsley tells them all that she is going to move to Chicago for the relationship.
The reaction is not that they wish him the best. The reaction is not that they ask more questions about how she made this decision. The reaction is not even raising a glass of tequila without enthusiasm at his decision. The reaction is that Dorinda spits out a sneaky table: “So that means you can leave your hotel now!” As Tinsley tries to draw attention to her ad, Dorinda continues to be mean, saying, “I have a turkey baster if you want to try to get pregnant,” which seems below the belt. figuratively and illuminated.
In a confessional, Dorinda says that Tinsley “makes all of us an ass, makes a play.” But why does Dorinda care so much? Why? Why? Tell me, WhyyyYYYyYYYYYYyyYYyYyy. During my years of study here at the Real Housewives Institute, I slowly came up with a unifying theory of the housewife. I deduced that on late reality shows like this, all of the fighting is actually about the show. The only reason I can understand that Dorinda cares is that she thinks Tinsley doesn’t really live in New York and doesn’t share his real life on camera like the rest of them. She is resentful because she feels like she is giving everything and Tinsley is not. That’s what she means when she says Tinz is “pulling the wool over our eyes”, which she claims to be from New York.
We also see it when Ramona leads Sonja and Dorinda to Bethpage, on Long Island, to talk about her party in a crazy warehouse filled with chocolate-covered Graham crackers. As Ramona talks about her shindig and won’t listen to other women’s ideas, the event planner’s social media intern asks them all to take a picture together. Dorinda is mad because it is used as an accessory so that Ramona can get a good price on her party. Exposure to the show was clearly bartering and Dorinda was unwittingly used as currency. She’s mad that Ramona doesn’t cut her into the case (should we review The commotion?!). It is not a battle of time or inconvenience, it is a battle of spectacle.
Back to dinner. Luann says that Dorinda de Tinsley’s treatment is excessive and she is absolutely right. It was just cruel. But just as cruel is that no one except Leah and Elyse, a free bread basket when everyone at the table is Paleo, will defend it. Sonja, Ramona and Countess Crackerjacks all conform to Dorinda, essentially blocking the other three from the table and the conversation. It was not fun to watch.
The following scenes we see are of Ramona and Luann in a bar with Tinsley and, while Ramona says she was feeling bad about dinner and wanted to apologize, something about the timing seems strange, especially when Tinsley says, “I’m moving to Chicago tomorrow. “If she was really moving just days after the haunted house, I’m surprised she didn’t say that at dinner, not that any of the women were listening.
While Ramona and Luann tell Tinsley all they want is his happiness and hope for the best, it’s really a sweet scene and a good sending of the Olympics to a new but respected player. However, Ramona couldn’t be bothered to clear the calendar for this goodbye. His date, Ron or Rob or Mark or Jim or some other name for a middle-aged finance man who has a home in the Hamptons, appears early. Tinsley says she met him before, with Harry Dubin at the Regency. Luann knows him too. Seriously, are there six men eligible for the SIU and they all know each other? New York is a $ 92 billion city. These ladies all really share five guys with not enough hair and too many fake turtlenecks with company logos on their chest?
The real reason I question the timeline of all of this is when we see Tinz and his mom in his hotel room. Leah walks by and says, “I haven’t seen you for so long. If Tinsley announced at dinner that she was moving, then told them over drinks a few days later that she was moving the next day, why hasn’t Leah seen her for so long? Would she say that because she hadn’t seen it in a week? Or did Tinz go to Chicago, come back to film pickup scenes to complete his departure to make it fun and smooth, and then return to Chicago for good? I mean, I don’t know, but I have my ideas. (And honestly, I really don’t care. But like Dorinda, I just want them to be honest with us.) Besides, Dorinda’s absence is blatant, but if she treated me like she treated Tinz all season , I would want to stop living with a modest technology millionaire too.
Honestly, I got a little hazy when Leah and Sonja had a little confab with Tinsley and Dale. “I thought she was crazy for wanting to be the fairy tale, not the legend,” said Leah. “But now I wish I had a fraction of his optimism. The only thing that could have improved this toast was if Martin, the boxing coach, showed up for an encouraging conversation. Tinsley says she’s been more of herself since she “returned to New York”, that is to say, she returns to the series. She takes part in fashion shows, she works on her brand, she is known again. Well, sorry kid, but none of this will happen in Chicago. None of this will happen without the show.
But maybe this is something great? Maybe it’s something romantic? When she and her mother pack up her hotel room, Tinsley says that if she doesn’t take this photo with Skott (Shot with Skott sounds like a New York Rangers podcast that someone produced in his garage in Merrick) that she will regret for the rest of her life. She says she does it for herself and no one else. Dale cries because “everything changes”. What is she crying for? What are they both talking about? Is it love? Is it celebrity? Is it about going out on a limb and making a risky decision because you honestly feel it is the right thing? Is this the vast abyss of middle age and the rising tide of opportunity ahead of us? Maybe all of this. Maybe none of this. Maybe it’s just frilly outfits for small dogs. Maybe in the future, Tinsley, like the aliens Contact, can send us a message on the other side of the black hole of darkness and tell us.
Meanwhile, in an apartment in Upper East, a redhead with roots to the ears heads for the front door and opens it. She sees a woman walking down the hall toward her unit with black boots up to her knees and a dangerously cut shirt. She has a large purse on her shoulder and the swagger of someone who is at work. ” Quick quick. Come in. Before the neighbors see you, “the redhead beckons to the woman, whose pace is accelerating at a gallop to enter the door.
“Thank you very much for coming,” said the redhead. “It’s something I’ve really wanted to do for a long time and, well, I know it will be expensive and quite risky, but it’s definitely worth it. “
“Absolutely,” replied the woman enthusiastically. She takes off the facial mask she was wearing in the hallway and her words become slightly louder. ” So. Where do you want me ”
” I do not know. I’ve never done this before. Maybe the room? Right? Where do you usually do this? ”
“The room could work, but it could get a bit messy. We don’t want to leave stains. ”
” The bathroom? But then we would be really very close. The kitchen. I never did it in the kitchen. ”
“It works,” said the guest.
They head to the kitchen, and the redhead shows a stack of tickets. “Your money is on the counter. I already included a tip. “
“Thank you very much,” said the guest, approaching her. She takes things out of her bag and puts them on the counter before cooing, “Shall we start? “
She quickly deploys a cape and the redhead sits on a chair. She leans her head back and waits for the unknown contact of these female hands, the first to graze her scalp in what seem to be ages. The guest wraps the cape around her and asks her what she wants to do with her hair today.
“Well, first we have to make my color, then a garnish and a blow,” says Jill Zarin, almost erotically, ready to break the rules to be beautiful, ready to woo danger so that she can feel a little more like it.