5:00 p.m. OK, let’s be frank: it’s impossible to truly recreate the Glastonbury experience at home unless your home happens to be a 900 acre farmhouse filled with agitprop facilities, almost Faithless fans, a wide variety of practitioners new age healing and open human waste pits.
But even if we will never recover the lost Glastonbury – and what Glastonbury it would have been: Diana Ross, Robyn and the Happy Mondays is our kind of 50th birthday party – if you can just lower the expectations a little bit, there’s still some fun to be had next weekend. OK, it’s hard to get lost completely between your bathroom and the front room. But part of the magic of Glastonbury comes from its commitment: to give up the comforts of home and sign up for a weekend of the unknown. So let’s do it right. Take a shower and make a deep scrub, this will be your last for the weekend.
6:00 p.m. Decant all your spirits in plastic bottles, stick a denim vest and a pair of rubber boots. Fill your car, or failing that, a bathtub, with three packs of Percy Pigs, a bag of satsumas, and an unlabelled plastic water bottle that has been lying around for the last year, but which is probably fine. Sit uncomfortably for a few minutes while listening to The Breeze radio, the most relaxing musical mix in the southwest. Keep texting that “you are on your way to Glastonbury” until you get a cry. Congratulations, you have succeeded!
8:00 p.m. The first thing that strikes you when you get to the real Glastonbury is the smell: this unique original blend of bonfires, cowpats and long fall toilets. Recreating such scents at home is likely a health and safety hazard, but you can always wink at the Pilton aroma by sticking a large pot of chai tea to a boil and lighting a few candles over a fire. Of wood. It’s not quite the same thing, but once the shower starts, you will start to get those festive top notes.
10:00 p.m. A number of files on the Glasthomebury Facebook group plan to camp in their back gardens. Fair play, but if you don’t want to have this conversation with your neighbor, a better halfway point may be to move your bedding in the front room and install a little den by scattering string lights and wet wipes on the floor. Pour yourself a warm G&T, order a takeout with an inexplicable amount of halloumi and settle in. BBC Four shows Glastonbury, Julien Temple’s 2006 video essay, a perfect introduction to the festival’s anti-establishment heritage. Don’t tire yourself too much tonight, there is a great weekend ahead.
10:00 Raise and shine! It’s time to treat yourself to Glastonbury’s breakfast: a macrobiotic vegan Buddah bowl with ancient grains and a pint of Tuborg.
1:00 p.m. The BBC has a gigantic archive of live performances from the years spent watching over the weekend, including a dedicated iPlayer channel and classic sets released on BBC Two and BBC Four in prime time. Much like the real Glastonbury, however, it is still far too early to watch live music. Instead, head to Green Fields online where Liz Eliot, the area’s curator for decades, has organized a special program of events. “It was really disappointing,” she said, “because I am 80 years old this year and I was hoping to retire from this role, but we are still trying to get that spiritual feeling from our region, while being a little languid. play. You can take out your penknife for craft demonstrations and enjoy yoga and qigong online for free. Those who miss the back and forth of the festival’s many speaking events can hear Sir David King, a science advisor to the Blair government, talk about the links between climate change and Covid-19.
6:00 p.m. It is impossible to ignore the fact that, for some, Glastonbury is a weekend for the experimentation of certain substances. Whether this is part of your normal festival experience, it is probably safe to say that your roommate will not appreciate it if you are in the living room sweating with a T-shirt and waving your members at Frankie Knuckles while they are trying to teach a Skype math lesson to their two-year-olds. Stay away from anything difficult: instead, we allow you to open your first weekend pear cider, a drink that was primarily invented in Glastonbury and now occupies three aisles in Sainsbury’s.
The coronavirus stole from Kendrick the greatest musical scene of this decisive moment
8:00 p.m. It would have been Kendrick Lamar’s first performance at the festival. In the weeks following the murder of George Floyd, protesters broadcast Lamar’s music through PAs, boomboxes and megaphones as they demanded an end to racial injustice. It would have been an incredibly powerful performance then, and whether or not he returns in a year, the coronavirus robbed Kendrick of the greatest music scene at this defining moment. To better anchor the politics of his music, try the Dissect podcast, which has two whole seasons dedicated to its catalog.
10:00 p.m. Weird to think that the headlines played by Beyoncé (2011) and Jay-Z (2008), which are respectively broadcast at 10 p.m. on BBC Two and 11:30 p.m. on BBC Four, came just before the imperial stages of these artists. Indeed, it is undoubtedly these performances which pushed them to become simple artists to conquer the world and to become the only two pop stars that your mother knows. Jay’s set was full of unrivaled cuts from Blueprints 1 and 2 that he doesn’t play live these days, and the unlikely highlight of Sunday night’s Beyoncé set was the somewhat overlooked Irreplaceable: the contrast of its sumptuous performance and sunburn worse The somerseters who shout “left, left” remain one of the most moving things that have ever happened on this scene. Likely to make you cry a little.
00:00 I don’t want to be a killjoy but we reserve it for the big Saturday so have a hot chocolate and have a rest.
2:00 p.m. It wouldn’t be Glastonbury without stumbling upon a celebrity who hasn’t been in bed. Spend the next 30 minutes tweeting ALL RIGHT M8! YOU’RE WATCHING WRECKED! to Nick Grimshaw and wait to see if he answers.
7:00 p.m. Glastonbury raises over £ 3 million a year for good causes. The cancellation of the event will therefore decrease the budgets of Greenpeace, WaterAid and others. They sell merch on the site to help, however; the tea towel is particularly nice and lets people know that you were there (in the kitchen). On Saturday, June 20, you can also attend the end of the Greenpeace virtual field party to celebrate 50 years of activism with scenery from Georgia, Rodrigo y Gabriela and – obvs – Billy Bragg. If that’s emotional healing you need, BBC Two shows Adele 2016’s head slit at 9:30 p.m.
00:00 OK, that’s it – sleepless night. I hope you have plastic bottles of Ribena and whiskey left, because we’re coming in. Gather your household at the front door: it should take an hour to come and go, get sweaters and all go to the bathroom. Then, leave your house and take a walk trying to find somewhere in your area that looks like an atmosphere (while being socially distanced, of course). Sometimes get lost and then spend 20 minutes trying to meet you, shouting: “I AM AT THE 27TH LAMPPOST ON THE RIGHT! Finally, agree to be at home, where the Shangri-La region broadcasts live DJ sets all night (in preparation for its own VR festival, Lost Horizon, a week later) and Radio 1’s Essential Mix will broadcast classic Glasto sets from 1 a.m. Continue, then head to the “stone circle”, which you can shape in your garden with shelves and bathroom pebbles. Take a few jars with you to play the drum and head out the door to see if young people want to sell you a ball. Continue until sunrise, then pass out in the kitchen.
11:00 After your big evening, you will have to recharge your batteries. The Healing Fields organize daily “online meditations for love, health and peace”. If having a peaceful time is difficult in your home, there will also be tales of a teepee fire in the Green Fields online with more fun throughout the weekend in a virtual Kidzfield.
RAIN BREAK! Rain is as crucial to the Glastonbury experience as letting all of your best friends spend the whole night on a hike you went to school with. This weekend should be no different, so if there are scattered showers, go out with your umbrella and headphones and take advantage of the festival’s special offers. Sounds of the 70s With Johnnie Walker on Sunday afternoon, rarely heard performances from the first decade of the festival will be played, and BBC Sounds has a channel dedicated to Glastonbury with many full sets to choose from. If you want to go all the pork, get a pair of these moisturizing socks from Superdrug or Boots, which are basically plastic bags filled with lotion; you will feel like cold mud has gotten into your rubber boots.
6.30 p.m. Jo Whiley and Mark Radcliffe are hosting a BBC Two special with the best of slot machine legends on Sunday afternoon, so expect to see Lionel Richie, Dolly Parton, Brian Wilson, ELO and lots of bad games. of words on the flags. For many revelers, this is normally the time when the cumulative comedown hits them and they realize that Dancing on the Ceiling is actually the most beautiful song ever written. Maybe in the cold light of day these cruising moments won’t feel so special, but boy is it nice to see crowds of people touching each other again.
9:30 p.m. At the turn of the millennium, while his voice was still flawless, David Bowie called Somerset of greater shameless success where he spoke about his set early in the morning at the first Glasto in 1971. Bowie was incredibly uncomfortable About this filmed performance, and therefore, at the time, viewers were only able to see a few songs before the BBC cut some of the festival’s prerecorded scenes (including a bizarre segment where Billy Bragg took the editor of the time, Boris Johnson, on the site). So this performance (aired on BBC Two at 9:30 p.m.) has never been seen on TV in its entirety before – something to savor.
11:00 p.m. Complete the annual tradition by calling your boss to tell him that you think you are coming up with something and that you may need a few days of bed rest. Now you’re free to get lost: OK, you’re not going to be invited to a yurt by someone called Cosmo to find out how 5G calcifies your pineal gland, but you can at least get Primal Scream on iPlayer, scratch collect the last of your shrapnel for a vegan energy ball and finish the remaining supplies. Tomorrow is back to the wheel, but let’s take advantage of it last night …