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In world history, humans have prepared their fair share of truly repellant foods. Just a few decades ago, our method of cooking Brussels sprouts boiled them, a crime against vegetables; to this day, the pizza crust stuffed with hot dogs still exists. But in GQ’S June On the cover, Robert Pattinson attempted to create a dish of pasta so impious that God himself had to intervene to prevent its conception.
In the profile, Pattinson says he asked himself the question last year: “How do you make pasta that you can hold in your hand? ” He, for reasons that are not clear to me, then decided that it was his duty to devise a “commercial” idea for pasta, which he was actively trying to sell, and even gave his product a name: “Piccolini Cuscino”, which translates to “Small pillow. “
During the interview, which was conducted on FaceTime over several days, Pattinson decides to show how we could prepare this dish. First, he removes the ingredients: penne (substituted for his favorite pasta, which he can’t name but knows how to look like “a kind of wavy drop” and “a bun on a girl”); cornflakes (he prefers breadcrumbs but ended up buying cereals after concluding that they were “basically the same shit”); sliced cheese; sauce (any sort will do the trick, any sort); a hamburger bun; and sugar.
With each step, the recipe becomes more and more horrible. While Pattinson microwaves him with penne and water for eight minutes – yes, microwave – he begins to layer the sugar and the sliced cheese in a nest of aluminum foil (“you really need to freeze everything in a huge amount of sugar and cheese ”). But shit! He then realizes that he has forgotten the outer layer of cornflakes, so he raises his cheese and sugar cake to place cornflakes underneath. After that, he throws away his unspecified sauce and the fresh pasta from the microwave. “There is absolutely no way it will work,” says Pattinson, but he perseveres nonetheless by pouring more sugar on top. Finally, he completes his creation with a hamburger bun that he burned with “PC” (for Piccolini Cuscino, of course) using a lighter.
It is at this stage that divine intervention occurs. Although GQ writer Zach Baron strongly advises against putting the aluminum-wrapped pasta ball in a microwave, Pattinson ignores the warnings – apparently because he believes his microwave is actually an oven. As you might expect, a “lightning bolt” bursts from the microwave, which then makes a loud noise and darkens. “Yeah, I think I should leave this alone,” said Pattinson of the crime scene. “But he’s a Piccolini Cuscino. “
And so we live another day on Earth without being involved in the genesis of the dreaded little pillow crusted with cornflakes.