JAN MOIR: From bioffin Neil Ferguson to Boris Johnson, sex always makes fools of intelligent men

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We are supposed to be sophisticated people, living in an age of enlightenment. Look at us. We paint pictures, play the piano and frost our cakes with star shaped nozzles.

At the end of each day, we count our blessings and praise the Lord, while our men conscientiously trim the hairs from the nostrils and carefully place their socks in the laundry basket.

As a daily snapshot of the rise of man, I like it as much as anything that social anthropologists could produce. We’ve come a long way, baby! We are here, supposedly on the heights of human development and understanding.

Yet will the most basic instinct of all still prove to be our loss? If this week has proven one thing, it is that even in times of peril and crisis, sex still makes fools of many men.

However, Professor Neil Ferguson (photo) could perhaps ask to be different. Bearded Sage boffin had to resign after being overpowered by what Noel Coward called

However, Professor Neil Ferguson (photo) could perhaps ask to be different. Bearded Sage boffin had to resign after being overpowered by what Noel Coward called “sneaky biological envy”

Consider the intensity of first love in rural Ireland for a moment, as the lush BBC adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People shows. This is Fifty Shades of Sligo, with the suggestion that between long looks and bedroom bonkathons, nothing in life is more passionate or consuming.

Yet Professor Neil Ferguson could probably ask to be different. Bearded Sage boffin had to resign after being overpowered by what Noel Coward called “cunning biological envy”.

In a lockout he helped impose across the country, Ferguson broke the rules to take advantage of dates with his married girlfriend Antonia Staats. She is a polyamorous lover of bees in an open marriage, a woman who has been away from her own hive, her husband and her children at least twice to be with Professor Lockdown.

Now his career as an advisor to the government’s scientific advisory committee is over – and what for? Well, we all know what – a dangerous affair – but was it worth it?

“I made an error in judgment,” said Ferguson, but it was not clear whether he was talking about his love of clumsy bees or his scientific modeling that has proven systematically wrong in almost all epidemics and medical emergencies, from Covid-19 to swine flu. , avian flu, Ebola and Zika.

Ferguson broke the rules to take advantage of date with married girlfriend Antonia Staats (photo)

Ferguson broke the rules to take advantage of date with married girlfriend Antonia Staats (photo)

The miracle is that it was his hypocrisy that made it to him in the end, not his prediction that 500,000 people would die from the coronavirus in the UK.

And if the government has so stubbornly followed the scientific flaws it has been defending for all these weeks, what has the scientist himself followed? Tragically, it doesn’t seem to have been anything more complex than the atavistic push from the depths of your own underpants.

Ferguson and Staats met on the OkCupid dating site, a fiercely libertarian online dating site focusing on social justice as well as romance – God forbid, you should never date someone a different opinion from the left consensus.

Here, future lovers are asked about their attitude toward questions such as abortion and immigration, before being asked: “Would you ever say to a homeless person to find a job?”

Can I just say something? Ann Widdecombe does not need to apply. On OkCupid, Lefty is paired with Lefty, bee lover with boffin, in a passionate ideological padlock on a site where new members are assured that they “will stand out for who you are, not what you look like. “

Neil and Antonia’s fruit obviously did it wonderfully – but what’s really amazing is that even in the depths of a pandemic, Professor Lockdown clicked on it, assessed and checked, maybe even more under Cupid’s grip than Covid’s, more lively on Staats than virus statistics.

Our boyfriend was so desperate that he broke his own rules – while expecting thick guys like us to continue to obey them. It’s exasperating.

What is it with men and sex? Do not answer all at the same time. In her mind-blowing memories from the Mail this week, Vanessa Branson (sister of Sir Richard) revealed how her husband Robert Devereux left her and their four grandchildren for a 26-year-old woman whom he said he was addicted to “like heroin”. As if that somehow excused his behavior.

Pictured: British Prime Minister Boris Johnson walking with partner Carrie Symonds

Pictured: British Prime Minister Boris Johnson walking with partner Carrie Symonds

And look at our own Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, who will soon marry for the third time, leaving children, wives and murderous lovers at random in his chaotic wake.

I’m not saying that all men would be like the king of Thailand, locking up the lockdown in a four-star German hotel, with only a self-designated pleasure room and his 20-person sexual harem for company.

But maybe many of them would, if the opportunity arose. The king’s concubines have been given names that allude to the truncated life they lead, notably La Belle who will be faithful to the king; She who obeys with love; I’m ready when you are, Big Boy; and are you kidding? I would love to start again.

If the sexes were reversed – they never would be, because women just aren’t that stupid – the male harem would be called very different things, such as Ive Fixed The Boiler, Love; Let me put the kids to bed tonight; and the one that really gets me going – I went to live in the hangar.

In the meantime, we just have to bear that the male of the species is dropped by his kidneys over and over again.

The same is true, however, for Professor Ferguson, as for Scotland’s chief medical officer, Catherine Calderwood, who had to resign after breaking her own locking guidelines while visiting her second home.

It’s not morality, it’s hypocrisy that screams. In these difficult times, the public is particularly annoyed by those in power who do exactly what they tell us not to do. And you can’t blame Cupid for that.

Gin and wear it like Julia

Finally, I have something in common with Julia Roberts – I don’t go to the Met Gala either.

Julia posed for a photo in her bathroom this week, wearing the beautiful Carolina Herrera dress she had reserved for the event.

Standing on the bath with a glass of gin while looking out the window with a dark air? It’s also something we have in common.

I have to write to Julia. We could be friends.

Finally, I have something in common with Julia Roberts: I don't go to the Met Gala either

Finally I have something in common with Julia Roberts – I’m not going to the Met Gala either

Julia Roberts' Instagram post showing the dress she intended to wear

Julia Roberts’ Instagram post showing the dress she intended to wear

Prince Harry sold his weapons. It seems like a moment, a turning point, as he embraces his new life in America.

It certainly brings his old life up to date with hunting and shooting behind him forever.

It is unlikely that he bought the Purdey rifles himself. It was probably a gift.

It’s hard to imagine even now that Harry would sell a gift from his father or grandfather – but surely their sale must have caused social hardship?

One thing is for sure. Guns aren’t the only thing Harry abandoned for love and Meghan – an entire country, at the last count – but the question is, what did she abandon for him?

We will return to life in custody with affection

Is it really going to be our last lockout weekend? Daily figures seem to suggest that the curve does not flatten, but remains stubbornly robust.

A serious illness linked to Covid-19 affects children, while there seems to be no real evidence that in hot spots like London, there is less risk of getting sick than last week.

Hundreds of people still die every day, there are more new infections – are we really past the peak?

Is the crisis in nursing homes under control, can the new application really test, monitor and isolate effectively, are the NHS and key workers fully supported with PPE?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then we are probably more secure in some form of locking?

My fear is also that getting out of locking will be so much more difficult than locking itself. That we will return to these days of isolation in a mist of warm affection.

The goal community, the shared experience, the bonding – all of that will dissipate once the rules are relaxed.

We can already see the fracture lines forming. Will British society break down further as the economic crisis deepens and people begin to understand the gloom that awaits us? I’m afraid the answer is – a yes on my part.

The Sad Truth About Billie

Billie Henry has just been given an eight-month suspended prison sentence for harassing her ex-boyfriend.

The 28-year-old, the adopted daughter of Lenny Henry and Dawn French, started a campaign that caused distress and anxiety after the man ended their five-month relationship.

There have been accusations of sexual abuse, she has threatened him with violence and bombarded him with emails, some of which she claimed to have come from her father, offering to pay her ex’s debts.

It is clear that there are enormous difficulties on all sides in this very sad case. But can it be true that the press is to blame?

At Truro Crown Court, Henry’s lawyer, Jo Martin QC, said his “years of training were unusual and unique.” Her parents did everything they could to keep her out of the public eye, but she was still reported in the press and this had an impact on her childhood. “

Billie Henry (left) pictured with actress mother Dawn French and comedian father Lenny Henry

Billie Henry (left) pictured with actress mother Dawn French and actor father Lenny Henry

To be scrupulously fair, there has been very little about Billie in the news over the years, with the exception of the occasional lavish interviews given by her mother in Hello and other magazines – in which she spoke at length about her daughter.

A much more statistically likely cause of any unhappiness in Billie’s childhood could have been the deterioration of his parents ’relationship due to Lenny Henry’s reported infidelity – and their subsequent divorce when Billie was 18 years old.

In more recent interviews, Dawn French has often referred to her fractured relationship with her daughter, whom she compared to “peacetime, battles, war.”

It is wrong, flippant and quite easy to try to generate sympathy by accusing the press of a clearly raw, complex and difficult family situation. I am glad that in this case the judge ignored the imputation.

Elon Musk and his girlfriend called their baby X Æ A-12 Musk. Poor little mite.

This underscores my belief that some people should never be allowed to be parents.

Especially the kind of egotistical egocentric like the Musks who never think of the taunts of the playing field or the occasional cruelty such a name might invoke further.

Or the child will change their name to Derek or Simon as soon as possible.

The couple (photo) can still be thwarted. They were denied permission to register the name in California – and it is comforting to see the authorities shrinking on such indulgent nonsense.

Recently, a Welsh mother was not allowed to call her baby daughter Cyanide. But it looks so pretty, she complained!

Elon Musk (photo) and his girlfriend Grimes called their baby X Æ A-12 Musk

Elon Musk (photo) and his girlfriend Grimes called their baby X Æ A-12 Musk

Michelle’s supreme sacrifice

Michelle Obama said this week that having children was a concession she had to make, which forced her to give up her aspirations and dreams of becoming Barack’s equal. As a politician, as a lawyer, as a professional. Mrs. Obama didn’t seem to have regretted her decision – but it proves that women (even super-women like her) are usually the ones who have to make the major sacrifices.

Nicolas Cage will be wonderful as Netflix star Joe Exotic – but there is a downside to worshiping this low tempting tiger life.

His simply horrible park in Oklahoma is currently open and attracts even larger crowds of stupid people to catch his wretched animals.

Pictured: Nicolas Cage

Pictured: Joe Exotic

Nicolas Cage will be wonderful as Netflix star Joe Exotic – but there is a downside to worshiping this baited low tiger life

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