Over the past year, my wife has changed radically and radically. I don’t know if the cause is menopause, or the change in our relationship, but the only thing that makes me anxious is her statement that she finds all of our children boring and that she doesn’t want to talk to them anymore .
She goes to DEFCON-1 for the slightest thing. My children have all expressed dismay at this change.
When my wife and I talk about it, she says she just wants to focus on us and no longer cares about children. This resulted in a lot of egg walking for the kids and me.
She told me that she did not want to go to the consultation. I know I’m going to have to go alone.
I fear that it will break the family, because I cannot satisfy them and their children. I want to save our family.
Hurt the husband
DEAR WOUNDED: You mention menopause and “change in our relationship” as possible causes of your wife’s extreme behavior. I will assume that the four children have left the nest, and you and your wife are now alone. Together.
Your wife may want to distance herself from the kids, but if she tries to control your relationship with them, it’s an emerging red flag and you need to act quickly. Don’t let her isolate you.
It doesn’t do him good to be at DEFCON-1 so often (military terminology describes the highest level of alert).
This radical change in temperament is disturbing; she should get a thorough medical examination as soon as possible. Yes, her behavior may be hormone laden (there is a reason why menopause is often called “change”), but an underlying illness or brain disorder could be the cause of this extreme behavior.
For now, definitely continue counseling on your own. It may be safer for you to separate temporarily.
DEAR AMY: Last winter, my cousin and her husband joined me and my girlfriend in a shared condo for a ski vacation. Each couple had their own bedroom and bathroom.
My invitation text to my cousin (a month before the date) said, “We have a room available if you want to join. “Since we had skied (but not stayed) together before, it was not unusual.
Before their arrival, we asked about the dietary restrictions and provided a list of what we had bought to eat / drink in the house, to which they replied: “I look forward to it!”
During the trip, they shared our food and drinks, kept theirs for themselves, complained about someone in the household who was snoring and never offered to share in the cost of the condo or food, and let alone offer a thank you meal to the group.
Everyone being around 40 and being well-paid professionals, I assumed that my cousin and her husband would contribute. They do not have.
Obviously, I made a mistake in not making my expectations explicit. While I can afford to bear the cost (which I suspect is their reasoning), I don’t think it’s fair to assume.
I’m starting to feel resentful. I am not inclined to issue future invitations.
Are you just suggesting moving on, or is there an advantage to starting an uncomfortable conversation?
If we get involved, how do you suggest we do it and what would be the best outcome?
DEAR SKIED: The best result would be that you continue to have a cordial relationship with your cousin and her husband, without ever sharing a vacation with them again.
They reached the four benchmarks of antisocial behavior: stingy, authorized, complaining and ungrateful.
Yes, you may have been mistaken when you sent your invitation text. In the future, be very clear: “Would you like to join us in sharing the rental of a condo this winter? Let me know if you are interested, and I will get you the details. “
DEAR AMY: “George Wants Pastrami on Rye” describes a sadly typical office bullying episode with a colleague who has always used his sandwich order to exclude George.
Food is often used to exclude colleagues. I faced this in my own workplace.
DEAR ALSO: Managers must be aware of this and intervene to stop it.You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.